


I'm Normal, Please Date Me

by lds



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-12
Updated: 2008-01-12
Packaged: 2017-10-06 05:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lds/pseuds/lds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Little sister messes around with big brother's love life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Normal, Please Date Me

**Author's Note:**

> I needed access to the internet for Rodney (and better access to Jeannie) so I moved them from Atlantis to SGC. Otherwise canon, up to "Miller's Crossing", well as much as I ever hold to canon.
> 
> Beta'd by Kerensa &amp; Riley

"Challenge my ability to attract the quality female, will you?" scoffed one Doctor Rodney McKay, a man still fuming over the idea that he should marry the woman he was currently dating as though he would never have a shot at a woman of that calibre again. Like he has never dated a woman of that calibre before. He'd have her know he had dated women in Katie's class before and if he wanted to he could do so again. Not that he actually wanted to, Rodney was quite fond of Katie. However, his manliness, his attractiveness had been insulted so he had to show her how wrong she was - but in a way that wouldn't put his current relationship at risk. A plan had been hatched, one that Rodney viewed as low risk. He muttered to himself as his fingers flew across the keyboard filling out the form, "And she wonders why I am less than motivated to keep in contact, with insults like that. Well, I'll show her."

"Show her what?" a cheery and definitely feminine voice asked from the doorway, causing the astrophysicist to jump.

"Don't you..." Rodney snarled. "Knock, damn it."

"Ah, Mer, don't be so jumpy," Jeannie Miller teased, as she approached her sibling to see what he was hiding. Rodney quickly hit the save button and closed the browser without reviewing his entry, so as to keep Jeannie from seeing it. Slamming down the laptop itself would be just a little too suspicious. Jeannie smiled at her brother's flustered reaction to her entrance. "Come on now, what are you up to? You can tell me."

"No," Rodney snapped, as he stood up in hopes of redirecting his sister's attention from the room and more importantly the laptop. Closing the computer itself, he asked, "How about we go out to eat? You are off to Vancouver tomorrow, thanks to whatever higher power finally arranged that. We'll celebrate your departure."

XXXX

Later that same evening Jeannie re-entered the room and wandered over to her brother's computer. Rodney still couldn't hold his liquor, so she could satisfy her curiosity and find out exactly what that brother of hers had been up to. If it was work related, Rodney would have simply told her it was classified and that would have been that. But it never even occurred to her brother to make such a claim. Not a surprise really, for a genius he was quite dense and not so quick on his feet when the science was removed. That was one of those distinguishing factors that made her the smarter McKay sibling.

Lifting the cover of the laptop up, Jeannie murmured, "Let's see what you were up to, brother dear." On the screen itself she noticed a message asking if the user really wanted to close two tabs. "Oh, oh, Rodney the browser didn't close. Let's see what you were looking at." A quick review of the two pages showed that her older brother had been filling out an online dating service form, a possible explanation regarding his reluctance to move his current relationship forward. Jeannie smirked as she realized that Rodney had not logged out and this could allow her have a little fun at her brother's expense, while moving him down a path he must want on some level, otherwise why post the ad in the first place? But to get some bites she knew she needed to add a picture. Jeannie had a few single friends who used such services and they mentioned that a good picture increased the likelihood of responses, and she knew just the one. It was in Vancouver, so Jeannie simply changed the password and email account so she got the responses instead of Rodney. She knew he wouldn't notice - as far as Rodney was concerned he had finished and would be waiting to see if he generated any interest. Jeannie felt a twinge of guilt over the fact that Rodney's email would remain empty, but dismissed it with the belief she would do a better job at the initial stages than he would anyway.

XXXX

Several weeks passed before it finally dawned on him that he had not received any responses to his online profile. Despite having completely forgotten about it once the source of his irritation had been removed to another country, it was still depressing that absolutely no woman had responded to his ad. Maybe Jeannie had in fact been right, more than right, as not even women with less desirable qualities had bothered to express any interest. Clearly he wasn't even a possible catch for the most desperate of the females, how could he not have been a little disturbed by that.

This was on top of the sadness he was feeling over having been recently dumped. He still wasn't sure what had caused Katie to dump him; her reasoning was lost somewhere in all the guilt he decided she felt over hurting him. Rodney might have been concerned that Katie had somehow found his profile online, but how would she have stumbled across it unless she had been perusing the single classifieds herself? Plus, there wasn't anything to clearly identify him as the poster. He did include the fact that he was an astrophysicist, but there were several of them in Colorado Springs, all in the same age bracket, if not of the same gender. No picture, that was the key to his not being identified by anyone on base.

XXXX

Rodney was sitting at home with a bag of popcorn and a beer watching a lame horror flick on the TV. It was a Saturday afternoon and he decided to spend it moping, given the hard hits his romantic life had sustained recently. He had finally settled himself into a comfortable sulking position when there was a knock on his apartment door. Groaning, he stood up to see who had the nerve to invade his personal misery time. What he found on the other side of the doorway left him agape.

"What the..." was all he managed to mutter before he was pushed aside so that his unexpected guest could enter.

"Is that anyway to greet your own flesh and blood after she's come all this way just to see you?" Jeannie asked, with a bright smile plastered to her face.

"I just saw you a few weeks ago, remember? Kidnapping," Rodney snapped. With a wave of his hand he added, "And let me tell you, if I were picking people to be kidnapped with, you, dear sister, are way down the list. Sure, you're above Kavanaugh and a whole lot of incompetent boobs I've never bothered even trying to learn the name of, but still way down the list. And why would I waste my time learning their names if they are complete idiots..."

Jeannie cut the rant off with a snap of her fingers, a movement that echoed that of her brother. "I get it. Many competent people you'd rather be in the company of should you be kidnapped. I prefer to just skip the whole kidnapping thing myself, but that's me. Seriously though, you seem to have forgotten that meeting those people you worked for talked me into."

"Is that this Friday?" Rodney asked. "I though it was further away. But still, it's not till Friday. Why are you here now? Why not fly down the last minute like a sane person?"

"Not important, big brother. What I need you to do is change into something more suitable and shower." Jeannie turned him around and started pushing him toward his bathroom.

"Geez, want me to get a shave and a haircut while I'm at it, Mom?" The sarcasm dripped from every word.

Jeannie gave her brother a scathing once over. "A haircut wouldn't be remiss, but no time for that. Don't shave however; it would seem the stubble look is good for you."

"What?" The last comment had Rodney even more baffled than usual when it comes to conversing with his sister. Pinching the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on, he raised his free hand in his own defence, stating, "No, on second thought, don't explain." He turned to go get that shower, if only to escape his sibling.

"And don't forget to change into something nice," Jeannie called after him.

XXXX

A long shower later, Rodney wandered out to his living room to find his sister enjoying the movie he had been trying to watch, so he could rule out the whole delusion brought on by stress postulate he cooked up while attempting to relax under the water. He had changed into something "nicer" because there was no need to risk further demands from Jeannie if it turned out she really was here. And if he was honest with himself, he had known the whole imagined presence theory was wishful thinking on his part, even with a history of less than cooperative hallucinations.

Spreading his arms in defeat, Rodney posed the most obvious of questions at this point in his sister's visit. Not why are you here but, "Is this acceptable enough clothing for you?"

Jeannie leant on the back of the couch and took in the outfit. "It will do," she sighed.

"Why do I need to dress up, anyway?" Rodney assumed there was more to it than a sister's need to torture her brother by forcing him to wear less comfortable, yet more formal clothing. "I assume it relates somehow to why the hell you are here in the first place."

"Yeah," Jeannie scrunched her face up a little, held her hand up with a little space between her thumb and finger and continued, "I may have done a little something."

Rodney raised his eyebrows in a somewhat threatening manner. Gesticulating, he attempted clarification of that "little something" his younger sister spoke of, "As in you are taking me out for a nice dinner to bribe me into forgiving you? Or you're taking me out for a fancy restaurant thinking I won't kill you in front of so many witnesses?"

Jeannie shrugged and started to answer when she was cut off by a knock on the door.

Rodney turned on the offending entrance way like it was responsible for the interruption. Stomping over to the door, he snarled, "Doesn't anyone call before stopping by anymore?"

"Your a fine one to talk about manners," Jeannie chortled as she hopped off the sofa and followed him over, making Rodney suspicious about exactly who might be on the other side. Even with that warning he was quite unprepared for the reality he found upon opening the door.

"Hey," was all the person on the other side managed to get out before Rodney slammed the door closed again.

He turned and accusing eye on his sister. "There is a man out there, all dressed up to go to a fancy restaurant. Is this your way of telling me you are cheating on Caleb, 'cause I have to tell you now, I do not approve. He may not have been my choice for you, English major and all, but still. And you two have a kid..." Rodney's hands waved wildly in agitation.

"I'm not cheating on my husband," Jeannie growled. "He's here for you, you idiot. And slamming the door in his face is rude, even for you."

Rodney started to sputter, not sure where to even start with his sister setting him up with, well, the person on the other side of the door. He held a finger up to keep Jeannie from speaking further and opened the door again. Yep, the man was still standing there looking slightly bemused. "Hold on, family crisis," he grunted at his would-be date. A confused "ok-ay" could be heard as he slammed the door closed once again.

Pointing at the door in a forceful manner, Rodney lashed out at his sister, "I know him. You know I know him. I know you know I know him, because I introduced you to him. How could you set me up with him, knowing that I know him and that I know you know I know him? And wasn't it a little cruel even for you to drag him into whatever game it is you are up to? Is this payback for the part where you seem to hold me responsible for you being kidnapped?"

Rodney stopped for a breath, letting Jeannie quickly give reply of, "I don't know. In fact, I'm not sure what you just said. And it was your fault I was kidnapped."

A strange look flashed across Rodney's face making his sister a little nervous, so she backed away from him as he swung the door wide open, grabbed the man standing outside in the hallway and dragged him in to the safety of his apartment. Rodney quickly checked for witnesses before slamming it shut for the third time in less than 10 minutes. The hinges hadn't seen so much action in such a short period before. Turning on the newest occupant in the room, Rodney continued his break down. "And you, what were you thinking? Were you thinking? Answering personal ads, are you crazy? Are you not familiar with Don't Ask, Don't Tell? It's your stupid military that has the asinine policy in the first place." Each of these questions was delivered with a swift poke to the other man's chest.

"Relax, McKay I knew it was yours from the picture."

Rodney's eyebrows shot up in surprise. It would seem that his sister not only took it upon herself to get him a man but also felt the need to make other changes to his profile, like adding some horribly unflattering picture of him. He turned a glare on his sibling, one that would have killed if looks could do so. Jeannie just smiled brightly at him, not the least bit disturbed by the show of hostility.

"So what brings your sister to our neck of the woods?" Evan Lorne greeted Rodney's sister with a shy grin.  
"Meeting," Jeannie quipped.

"That's not till the end of the week, Jeannie. Do tell the good Major what brings you here, now," Rodney sneered, shooting looks between the two. He rolled on to the tips of his feet in a momentary glee that his sister was now the one in the hot seat.

Jeannie smiled at the man she set her brother up with and confessed," It may have been me who handled the preliminary conversations for those expressing an interest. Leave it in Rodney's hands and he'd scare the suitors off before he got past square one. I have to admit, I didn't think I'd find one who actually knew him and found his quirks attractive. Which, you realize, makes you a little crazy as well." Evan shrugged in response as Jeannie added, "I could have turned you over to him right away, but why risk it. You know how he's inclined to panic."

"That he does," the Major admitted with a nod, not the least bit distracted or distressed by the new information. "But you needed to come all the way down here because..."

"I may have forgotten to mention to him I was doing all of this for him," Jeannie informed the Major. "He placed the ad in the first place, I wasn't quite that forward, but I took it over from there."

"So you are here to face the music in person," guessed Evan. "I did wonder why he didn't pick up on that little slip I made in one of the emails."

"I caught it. I got I was talking to someone who actually knew my brother after that, but I didn't know if I had met you or not," Jeannie directed the last bit more to her brother, rather than his date as she realized that buried somewhere in that rant of Rodney's was an accusation directed at her attentions. "Which was great, as it helped me decide who'd be a good candidate for an evening with him. Plus, most of the other respondents had atrocious spelling and grammar and I had serious doubts they could add. We both know how that would have gone over."

"Hey, I've got an idea," Rodney interjected. "Why don't the two of you go out and continue these little discussions of yours, as it would appear you don't need me. I'll stay here and watch TV like I originally planned."

Jeannie gave Rodney a punch that was a little stronger than a playful nudge but nowhere near full strength. "He doesn't want my company, stupid. I thought we covered that already."

"That hurt," Rodney complained as he rubbed his arm. "And come to think of it, there is no reason you couldn't have told me all of this over the phone. No reason to fly down early."

"Making sure you don't find a way to opt out," smirked Jeannie. "Plus you'd probably want to chew me out in person. That and Caleb didn't really want to hear that conversation."   
"You know what, I take back my defence of Caleb," Rodney choked out indignantly. "Do cheat on him. Hey, you thought Sheppard was good looking, I could give him a call for you."

"Stop procrastinating and go on your own date," Jeannie laughed, glancing over at the equally amused Major who was biting his lower lip in an effort to remain silent during the siblings' exchange.

"Yeah, about that..." Rodney flicked his eyes from one of his visitors to the other and back again, before shaking a finger at his sister, continuing, "You know what, I'll talk to you about that later. So, you feeding me on this date, or what?" The second half of the comment clearly directed at Evan.

"I didn't think you'd be interested food, Rodney," Evan deadpanned, causing the other man to roll his eyes.

"Sarcasm does not become you, leave it to the professionals," the astrophysicist sneered as opened the door, gesturing the other man to step through. Turning to his sister, he sniped, "You don't wait up and don't burn the building down."

XXXX

"You do realize how dangerous it is to be trolling the Internet for dates, don't you?" Rodney inquired whiningly.

"You've already asked that over dinner and again over dessert, in between those moans over that chocolate whatever you had," Evan pointed out patiently on the drive back to Rodney's place. "I don't know what the people at the other tables thought we were doing, but we got some funny looks. That was riskier than skimming through online dating ads in terms of getting caught. So see, you didn't really need to ask a third time."

"I was not that bad," Rodney groused, folding his arms defiantly over his chest and pouting. He forged ahead in his reprimanding of his date. "You have this whole imbecilic policy you have to live within, in order to keep your position. You'd think you'd be smart enough to discern the dangers of setting yourself up on a date with some guy you only knew from a brief ad, possibly full of lies, who could rat you out to the Air Force. I'd figured you'd know better as you aren't as addle-brained as most military types."

Evan stopped to consider the backhanded compliment the scientist had paid him before responding. "Once again, knew it was you from the photo." He wasn't exactly upset over the fact that Rodney kept rehashing the whole risky endeavour, it gave the Major a warm feeling to think that Rodney would be disturbed by the idea of his being discharged. This could be due to simply not wanting to have to break in yet another military officer to the McKay way of doing things, something Evan was willing to indulge up to a point, but he'd like to think it was a little more than that.

"Fine, you knew it was me," the astrophysicist conceded with a nod of his head. "But how did you know I wouldn't turn you in?" Rodney delivered the challenge with a 'so there' attitude.

"Gee, Rodney, let me think," Even stated dryly. "Tonight wasn't the first time I heard you use words like moronic, asinine, lame-brained, pointless, waste of the paper it's written on, not to mention the manpower to enforce, absurd..."

"Yes, yes! Point made." The scientist waved his hand to cut the other man off before he used up every word for stupid found in the thesaurus. "A ridiculous policy. Wouldn't turn you in on that principle alone."

"And since you are so focused on the lack of trustworthiness of the ads, I should remind you that you lied on yours." Evan shot the man a knowing smirk. "I did, after all, actually read the damn thing. So, a little pot/kettle thing going with these accusations against the unknown males who post there."

"I did not lie, I may have overstated a little on my after working hours persona, but I did not lie," retorted Rodney in an indignant manner.

"Hey, I'll allow for energetic depending on the motivation, because we could probably solve a few power crisis if we could harvest the hand waving when you get excited, but as for..."

"Just because you haven't seen me that way, doesn't mean I am not," Rodney defended his description of himself. "It's not like it is a state of mind that is easy to achieve when surrounded by feeble-minded dolts."

"Feeble-minded dolts?" questioned Evan with a shrug. "Isn't that kinda redundant? Or do you know some quick-witted dolts?"

"So you're English major now?" scoffed Rodney. "Maybe I should introduce you to my brother-in-law. I am sure you'd hit it off."

"First date, a little early to be meeting the remainder of your family," Evan laughed. "And in fairness, I thought I was chatting with you through email. Your sister does an excellent imitation of you, at least in writing."

"I'll file that under things I'd rather not know," Rodney replied, pinching the bridge of his nose between his eyes as he prepared for his next question. "As it was my sister and not I, when exactly did the two of you start chatting?"

"After the break-up. I didn't even see your profile until after," Evan informed the scientist. "But I did notice that the profile was posted pre break-up."

"Yeah, about that," Rodney paused for a moment, unsure how much he wanted to reveal about his actual intentions when he posted the profile. He tapped his finger rapidly against his leg as he thought about what to say. It wasn't like he hadn't dated men before, more that he gave up the habit when he got so embroiled in working for such a homophobic organization. He really liked women as well and that path was so much easier, not that he had many dating opportunities from either gender over the years. With a nervous cough, he continued, "I had no intention of cheating on Katie..."

"You had to post it before you lost the nerve?" Evan offered and Rodney did not dispute. "Then Katie took the other matter you needed to work up the will to do, putting the two of you on the same page I guess, which does help during break-ups."

Rodney couldn't argue that, except he and Katie hadn't been on the same page. They may not have even been in the same book. He just sucked at reading other people, and the break-up was evidence of that fact. As was the date, because if someone had told Rodney that he would open his door one day and see the likes of Major Evan Lorne on the other side to escort him out for an evening's pleasure, he would have laughed himself silly. He might not have been completely shocked that the officer was into men, military types were good at hiding that from everyone, so not knowing beforehand wasn't just a case of his general obliviousness. No it was more the idea that someone like Evan would be interested in Rodney that would have made it so funny. Though he was a bit of a geek, and geology was a science of sorts.

"Here you are, home again."

Evan's comment broke through the other man's ruminations. Looking up, Rodney saw the familiar foyer of the building he had been calling home for a while. Turning to look at his companion, he stated, "I'd invite you up, but I have to go kill my sister now and witnesses would be messy. She must be punished for blatantly interfering with my life regardless of the outcome."

The Major turned in his seat so he was facing Rodney and stipulated, "Hey, you could've cancelled. I would've understood, given you didn't even know anything about it."

"Now who's repeating himself," chaffed Rodney with a smirk. "Anyway, I had fun despite the surprise. Or maybe because of, didn't get time to get worked up over going out with someone."

Evan relaxed a little on that; he smiled, bringing a twinkle to his eyes. "Well, in that case, maybe you shouldn't kill you sister, what with prison being a deterrent to doing this again and all."

"You want to do this again?" Not that it had been a disaster, but between the whole 'set up by a sibling' thing and Rodney's grousing, he figured that Evan would call it a write-off.

"Sure," Evan responded with a devilish grin. "Got to find out what else makes you moan like that, other than dessert."

A flush crept up Rodney's neck and face. Garnering what nerve he had, he reached his hand behind Evan's head and pulled him in for a kiss. After all, the man had purchased him a great meal, no harm in showing a little appreciation. The scientist ran his tongue softly across Evan's lips, causing them to part and allowing him entrance. Rodney's tongue ravished the mouth at its mercy, exploring and deepening the kiss, exciting a moan from his date. Rodney didn't lessen the attack until it became necessary to breathe.

Evan blinked rapidly, trying to regroup. "Yeah... again... soon," he panted, not at his most composed at the moment.

"Yeah, call real soon," Rodney agreed with a brisk nod of his head. He quickly climbed out of the car before he changed his mind about going up and dealing with the kook he called kin and decided to find out more about these mind blowing kisses he had suddenly developed the ability to deliver. Chalking it up as another reason to be angry with her, Rodney deliberately ignored the fact that he wouldn't have had that kiss without her butting into his business.

XXXX

"You're back early. What did you do, blow your date?" Rodney stopped to contemplate his sister's question while Jeannie giggled as her wording dawned on her. "Loaded question there," she joked.

"No, I did not blow my date, in any meaning of the word," Rodney bit out in response. He plopped on the couch next to his sister and glared at her. "Got any other weirdness planned between now and Friday? Something where it may be better I know in advance?"

"No, just the one date. So, details," Jeannie demanded. "Since you didn't ruin the evening or anything."

"And you felt the need to poke you nose in where it didn't belong because..."

Jeannie reflected over the question before answering. "All I did to your profile was add a photo. One where you could actually be considered attractive. And filter through the responses you received till something acceptable showed up. You would not believe some of the emails."

Rodney's eyes widened at her comments. He was the one that set it up to receive responses from guys? Did he set it to both accidentally, because he was sure he had checked the one for women? Shrugging that off for later consideration he pushed forward on his interrogation of his sibling. "And it didn't strike you as just a little odd that there were guys responding?"

"You set it to 'Man seeking Man', not me. Why, did you mean to set it to both?" Jeannie asked. She eyed her brother wearily. "I remember you dating guys in university. I figured Mom was wrong and you weren't just doing it to piss off Dad, more of a side benefit that was. Plus, it made sense why you were so reluctant about Katie, you now realized it would work better with the same sex rather than the opposite."

"Hm," was all Rodney had to say on that, as he considered the fact that he had somehow set up his account to find a man. It probably happened because he rushed to finish as Jeannie walked in on him. It all goes back to her. "You are just damn lucky I had a good evening and am willing to spare you more severe punishment for mucking around with my life. Plus, Lorne thinks I shouldn't kill you."

"That's nice of him." Jeannie bobbed her head in agreement with the Major's sentiments. "Oh, and I may have given your profile a new header. You know to attract some attention. It was a funny line from a song I heard once." Jeannie couldn't help but laugh as she thought of the words.

Rodney's eyes narrowed suspiciously as he growled, "Jeannie, what the hell did you put there?"


End file.
